Dear Kiantha: Find yourself by finding what brings you true joy

Dear Kiantha,

My husband and I have been together for 25 years. We have raised four beautiful children together and just last year welcomed our first grandchild. We have a beautiful home and have been blessed to travel the world but, there is a secret that I have been keeping and I feel ashamed to share it with anyone. The secret is that I am not happy in my marriage. If I am honest with myself, my marriage has smothered me as a woman and I feel as if I do not have a voice in my home or anywhere else. Is it even possible for me to find myself again?

Dear Lost and Found,

You are not lost and you are not less. You know exactly who you are and exactly what you want and need. Let’s lead with that narrative. Let’s first focus on you, not your marriage. The core of feeling lost is a direct tether to feeling disempowered. When we are not in control of who we are and how we move through life, we naturally feel emotionally lost. The road to womanhood is ever winding and the speed limit changes at every turn.

As women, we travel through the peaks of professional and personal accomplishments, like motherhood and the gift of raising children, deep and lasting friendships, and love – which sometimes leads to marriage – in the pursuit of happily ever after. We also travel through the valleys of reflection and growth. It is in those valleys that we can adjust and refuel for the next leg of our journey.

It is easy to mistakenly interpret the valley as an unfulfilled relationship or marriage; however, upon deeper reflection, you may find that what you are experiencing is a desire to feel empowered and in control of your own happiness and destiny. The power we feel when we are in control of our journey is exhilarating. That power can feel diluted when it is influenced by external factors, such as partners, family and the day-to-day stressors of womanhood.

Take some time to do an inventory of your life. Look back at the happiest moments and determine what in those moments brought you joy. True joy and fulfillment are always tied to empowerment. Rely on your ability to center yourself and your needs. Doing so will help you discover your voice, strength and a path forward. Defining or redefining who you are is the first step to empowerment. Remember, this is a lifelong journey so take it one step at a time.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha